TREEVENGE
Combatting
oxygen theives
one tree at a time.
We've all been there. Turn those negative feelings into forests - offset the culprits existence, replace the oxygen they took over their lifetime, and redirect bad breakup energy into something eco-friendly.Also proven to be effective on useless friends, awful bosses, irritating siblings and that horror-show of a mother-in-law.Move on feeling better.
How it works.
It's simple.They breathe oxygen.You plant trees to replace it and offset them.
Here's the science: the average person breathes about 550 litres of oxygen every day. Over a lifetime, that adds up to millions of litres.A mature tree produces roughly 120,000 litres of oxygen each year - enough for two people. So planting trees based on how long they've been alive? That's not symbolic. That's restoring actual balance to the planet.It's straightforward: pick how many trees feel right for their age, choose your package, plant. Real reforestation.Real impact. And yes, real closure.
Real trees in real forests.
Your story.Your forest.Your impact.
We work with Woodland Trust (UK native species) and Eden Reforestation Projects (global) and other trusted providers. Established organisations, verified planting, real impact.You'll get a certificate showing where your trees are planted, what species they are, and the environmental impact they're making. These aren't credits or offsets – they're actual trees going into actual ground.This isn't therapy. But doing good feels good.
It's okay to not be okay.
Relationships, life and breakups are often tough.We get it. You're not alone.
Sometimes redirecting energy into tree planting helps. Sometimes you need proper support. Both things can be true.If you're going through a difficult time, there are many organisations that are there to support you.
Mind
www.mind.org.uk
Mind is a mental health charity offering advice, support, and advocacy. They help people understand their mental health and find the right support.
Shout
www.giveusashout.org
Shout is a free 24/7 text service for anyone in crisis. By texting 85258, people can get support from trained volunteers in real time, straight to their phones.
CALM
www.thecalmzone.net
CALM offers free, confidential support to anyone struggling with life, particularly men at risk of suicide. They provide a helpline and webchat every day.
London Search and Rescue
www.londonsar.com
Someone goes missing ever 90 seconds in the United Kingdom, with many of those people struggling with their mental health or feeling suicidal. The websites signposts several organisations that can support with mental health crises.
PAPYRUS
www.papyrus-uk.org
Papyrus supports young people under 35 who are struggling with suicidal thoughts. They offer free, confidential support and advice for those at risk or concerned others.
Planting trees won't fix everything. But taking a step forward with the right support around you can help.So if you need more than trees, please reach out to someone.
Treevenge is a dish best served eco.
A tree planted to offset for each year of utter nonsense you tolerated.
Not sure how many trees to plant Here's where most people start. Pick the number of years you were together, offset their entire lifetime, or just pick a number you like.There's no wrong answer.
Your 20s Mistake
That person when you didn't know any better? Plant some trees and call it character development.
Your 30s "The One That Wasn't"
They seemed perfect until they really, really weren't? Yeah. Trees feel about right.
Your 40s Reality Check
The mid-life crisis who took up cycling and left? The boss that is slowly but surely wrecking your head? You're welcome, planet.
Your 50s "Should've Known Better"
That mistake you made despite all your life experience? Lesson learned. Forest planted.
Your 60s "The Retirement Plan That Walked"
The partner who drove you mad for decades then left? A forest restores more than oxygen.
Your 70s Bowls Club Drama
Even bowls club breakups deserve trees. Move on gracefully Margret.
Your 80s Silent Disco Surprise
Met at a silent disco, parted ways? Plant your forest. You've still got moves.
Not your exact scenario? Pick any number that feels right. In future, we'll have a calculator that lets you tailor the exact number to your ex's age and the severity of their idiocy. For now, just choose what works.
Oxygen debt that's now been repaid.
Oxygen deficit restored.Tree by tree.Forest by forest.
this isn't just another Treevenge story, this is the story. The story of how Treevenge was born.
My long-finished ex. Father of my kids. Total halfwit. At my mum's 70th, he got absolutely hammered. His entire skeletal system turned to jelly as he flopped over the bonnet of his car backwards. In public. In front of my eldest. At her party. I called my closest friend the next day, fed up of the latest episode of incompetence. He listened. Then he went quiet, tapping away. He'd worked out how much oxygen my ex had used in his lifetime, planted the number of trees needed to generate that much oxygen, and whatsapp'd me a certificate confirming that my ex's existence had been offset.Treevenge was born.
"The certificate arrived on my phone, I laughed. My ex was still a tool, but suddenly life felt okay again. Treevenge was born"
@Tam, 43 (Devon)
Treevenge isn't therapy. But redirecting bad energy into good action? That does something. Here's what our treevengers are saying.
Twenty years he's been pulling this. Drumsheds, post-Covid lockdown, Pendulum playing. I turned around and he was up a flagpole. Security furious. He slid down as the beat dropped, gave them the full drunk Hugh Grant apology routine, then disappeared into the crowd like smoke. Poof. Three hours later, a saint of a woman rang from his phone having found him semi-concious wallowing in self-pity and loathing. He was miles away. Typical.
"Twenty years of vanishing acts. Flagpole-scaling, security-dodging, cross-London odysseys. I planted 5 trees. Can't afford one for every incident or I'd bankrupt myself. But 5 feels like a down payment on the oxygen he's wasted apologising to strangers"
@Jimbo, 42 (Surrey)
An irritating boss that is old-school, disconnected from reality, and relies on ChatGPT to deal with everything. Thrives off having received an MBE years ago. Probably well-meaning, but from time to time I plant a tree or two just to offset the oxygen wasted as he mansplains things to me.
"Every time I receive a mansplaining email with the signature [Anonnymouse] MBE - tagged on after his name like a pennant fluttering from a medieval lance - I plant another tree. I'm up to 12 now. He has no idea (about this, or real life). The planet's winning, and I carry on smiling."
@Keande, 22 (People's Republic of Cornwall)
Nayr got narky with me because I didn't immediately reply to his WhatsApp, accused me of blocking him, and wanged on about the little blue ticks. We've made up now, and in his own special way he's told me "he doesn't give a f***" and that "he's over it." It felt good quietly planting a tree to offset his persistent BS. Love him really.
"One tree for the blue tick incident. He'll never know. Marriage intact, oxygen debt settled. Win-win."
@Giles, 32 (Manchester)
Dave ate roast potatoes from the fridge that Amy had specifically saved. He didn't ask. He didn't apologise. He didn't even feel bad about it. That was the final straw for me. Relationship over, oxygen debt unpaid.
"I offset that potato-thieving, oxygen-wasting freeloader and told him exactly what I'd done. He called me petty. I called it reforestation. We're both right."
@Amy, 45 (London)
My half-brother borrowed my car, returned it on empty, and had the audacity to say "you should've filled it up before lending it." We're in our 30s. This has been going on since we were born. I planted 25 trees. Told my mum. She planted 25 more. He's furious. We're delighted.
"Fifty trees between us. He's livid. Mum thinks it's hilarious. The oxygen debt for 30-odd years of sibling nonsense from the least favourite child is officially settled"
@Alex, 27 (Wiltshire)
My best mate of 15 years just... disappeared. No explanation. Stopped replying. Blocked me on everything. Turns out she thought I'd said something about her boyfriend (I hadn't). By the time she realised, I'd already planted 30 trees in her name. We're mates again now. The trees stay.
"Fifteen trees for 15 years of friendship nearly binned over nothing. She laughed when I told her. Said she deserved it. Forest's doing great."
@Priya. 19 (Birmingham)
Derek was definitely flirting with Margaret at the bowls club the other afternoon. Old git can barely bend down to pick his balls up off the floor, don't know what he's playing at. Anyway, I went into the joint account and planted a few trees to offset his behaviour. Margaret isn't all that anyway.
"Five trees planted. Joint account, so technically he paid for it. Serves him right. Margaret can have him."
@Brenda, 71 (Bournemouth)
Your turn. Pick your trees, choose your package, offset someone who probably deserves it. The planet wins. You feel better. Everyone's happy. Except maybe the oxygen thief themselves.
Choose your oxygen offset package
Your story.Your forest.Your impact.
Right now, we're keeping it simple - pick from our starter packages below. Soon, we'll launch a calculator that lets you customise the exact number of trees based on your ex's age and how monumentally they messed up.For now? Choose a package that feels right. All packages include verified planting, a certificate, and the satisfaction of knowing you've done something genuinely good.
Perfect for short-lived mistakes, minor oxygen thieves, first time offenders or dipping your toe into eco-revenge. These trees won't reforest the Amazon, but they'll offset that person from your early 20s who ghosted you after three dates or your pas-ag boss. Small gesture, real impact, surprisingly satisfying.
Our mid-range package. Works brilliantly for relationships that dragged on just long enough to be annoying but not quite long enough to be devastating, or that relentless family member that has pickled your wick for what feels like a lifetime. The Goldilocks package - not too much, not too little, just right.
For when "a few trees" doesn't quite cut it. This package says "I'm taking this seriously." We're talking serious f****wittery of epic proportions. Real forest territory. Real closure.
Get creative. Offset a politician whose face makes you irrationally angry. Neutralise an entire football team. Plant a tree for every year your insufferable cousin has existed. Reforest on behalf of your ex, their new partner, and the mate who introduced you. Someone who just instantly gets your back up every time they breathe near you? Sorted. Your rules. Your forest. Pick your number, choose your package, we'll make it happen.
Coming soon: Full oxygen usage calculator that factors in age, relationship duration, and severity of their behaviour. Until then, trust your gut.
Thank you
Your free tree will be planted within the week and you'll get the certificate via email. You're also now on the list for launch updates. We won't spam you. We're busy planting trees.